Sunday, January 31, 2010

Grammy Thoughts, Start at the Bottom

Ok, finally done with this. I did it like a liveblog, going up, which was silly, but I would recommend, if you're interested in reading any of it, starting at the bottom, because a. that's the beginning, and b. I was a lot more interested back then. (What a well written penultimate sentence, not counting this jaunt right here in the parentheses). Now to pick a picture!

11:25 John Legend and Santanna, randomest two people of all time, Album of the Year award, hope Beyonce wins, or possibly Lady Gaga. I think Beyonce's got it. Nope, Taylor Swift. Good for her, I'm annoyed, especially since i think I am...Sasha Fierce is a really good album. Meh, my sister will be happy. This is not a story, Taylor, and your grandchildren will not be more annoyed than I am right now.

11:13 Starting off with a new verse from Wayne. And so far, it's better than his original verse. And now its so censored that I have no idea what he's saying. Oh wait, yes I do, he's doing "Drop the World" off Relapse as a prelude to "Forever," I guess. Yup, here's Eminem. This is pretty good idea because both of these rappers kill their respective verses on this song. Ok, here's Forever. And what I thought was censoring, is just my tv randomly losing sound, unless Drake has been cursing a lot before he even started rapping. Now we're getting into the regular verses. Ridiculous that Drake wasn't nominated for Best New Artist, because the cut off date for the grammys is so early. He may have had one of the best years that anyone anywhere had in 2010. Drake is enjoying Wayne's verse A LOT. I maintain that Em has the best verse on this song, followed by Drake, then Kanye, then Wayne. Pretty good performance, but nothing special. Drake and Wayne love each other though, Eminem looked like he felt left out until Drake gave him a pity hug. Please let this thing be over with after the next commercial break.

11:12 Tarantino is getting fat. His shirt would be perfect for someone who had a little bit of cocaine on their shirt and didn't want it known. He's introducing "Forever" with Drake, Wayne, and Eminem, and Travis Barker. Pretty hilarious, actually.

11:04 The Les Paul tribute, featuring Jeff Beck is upbeat and diverting, thank God, because this ceremony had gotten extremely boring.

10:55 LL introduces Maxwell who will probably be a sleeper. And is singing with an as yet unidentified lady. Oh it's Roberta Flack.

10:47 Best Female Vocal Performance, hopefully Beyonce for "Halo," and yup, Beyonce for "Halo." I am doing pretty well predicting and junk. No big deal. Beyonce is giving a good speech. Unsurprisingly.

10:40 In the first interesting moment since the last time I wrote, Adam Sandler is on stage, wearing what is, apparently, Usher's jacket. Sandler has already been funnier than Colbert with two jokes. Oh, great, Sandler is introducing Dave Matthews Band.

10:26 Wyclef Jean and Will. I. Am. are exchanging jones. And now here comes a Haitian tribute performance by Andrea Bocelli, and Mary J. Blige and others. This performance is pretty good, and as my mom pointed out, the pairing of the two distinct voices works well.

10:17 Prediction for best rap sung collaboration:Run This Town Actual Winner: Run this Town. Happily, Jay called the barred Kanye a genius. And a little kid said that he didn't want to talk.

10:15 I'm officially tired of doing this for everything, so I'm only commenting on things I'm interested in from now on. The fans picked "Living on a Prayer." And Glee will probably cover it. And I will begin to hate it as much as I now hate "Don't Stop Believin" Thanks sopranos finale!

10:10 I freaked out at my family about how bad Dave Matthews Band is (because I thought they were about to perform) while Sheryl Crow quietly introduced Bon Jovi in the background. Now Sugarland is performing alongside BJ. I've just found out that my Dad "loves" both Dave Matthews Band and Sugarland neither of whom I've ever heard on his favorite XM Station, Channel 23, The Heart.

10:00 Everyone gives a totally deserved standing ovation at the end of the song for musical icon Michael Jackson. Now apparently some Jackson children are going to speak. The children that he tried to keep out of the public eye for years and years. The kid who is talking is very poised but looks sad. He gave a good, clear speech.

9:56 Jennifer Hudson is also singing. and Horsies! and Orcas! and Polar Bears! Beyonce is enjoying the crap out of the animals in 3-d but Jay doesn't even have his glasses on. He's getting crotchety in his old age, doesn't hold with this new- fangled dimensional technology. Will-I-Am is furious that he was not invited to freestyle over this beat during the performance, he is clearly of the caliber of all these other artists. The performance itself is decent, but the 3-d images are pretty distracting. Usher felt the need to kneel at the end of the song, utterly defeated by the power of music.

9:52 Lionel Richie is introducing Michael Jackson and "This Is It." I really want to see the movie, but I don't think I would ever buy the dvd. I do have my 3d glasses from avatar but I'm not going upstairs to get them. Blogging is sooooo tiring. Especially pretend live-blogging. MJ will be singing with Celine Dion, Usher, Carrie Underwood, Smoky Robinson.

9:46 Taylor Swift is performing her new song "Today was a Fairy Tale. Amelie Gillette of the Av Club said it best. Now Stevie Nicks and she are performing together. My dad thinks it sounds terrible. The girls (Both big T-swfit fans) are enjoying it. I am pretty much neutral. Now she is playing "You Belong with Me" which is a decent, if boring song, but I don't understand how with hits like hers she can masquerade as a country artist. She is doing this song in a little more of a country fashion, which is good, because she doesn't have to stretch her teeny tiny voice. They are giving her a lot of time, probably to draw in younger viewers.

9:45 Ryan Seacrest comes out alone, because he's too insecure about being so short to stand with anyone else. He's introducing "the phenomenal Taylor Swift." The marginally talented Taylor Swift takes the stage to ravenous applause.

9:38 Now they are playing "Chicken Fried" which I really like. My mom, who being a big fan of country radio has heard this song a billion times, but just burst out with: "What are Chicken Fries?!!" In her defense, it is strange that they refer to Fried Chicken backwards. Now the music is being played, speedily, which is enjoyable, and the lead singer is definitely enjoying himself. Good performance. The fiddler looks like a Julliard graduate, and does not fit in with the band's general boots and beards aesthetic.

9:35 Here come the Zac Brown Band to perform, with a country legend named Leon Russell, who I've never heard of, performing along with them. They start off singing "America the Beautiful," and singing it well. I wish this was the National Anthem. My sister on the heavily bearded Leon Russell: "It's Santa!" I'm enjoying this performance pretty well.

9:32 Katie Perry's whole thing is being a big ho. That's all she's really got going for her. She's not talented. Neither is Dave Mathews Band. These nominees (for Best Rock Album) are not exciting. I predict Green Day to win. And I am right. My family is too loud to hear the speech, but Billy Joe Armstrong was smiling the whole time which means he probably didn't get political.

9:26 Justin Bieber and Ke$ha, a match made in heavan. Bieber did his joke he does where he's in love with Beyonce. You might think it's a dumb joke, but when Jay is seventy, and Beyonce is only fifty, and Justin Bieber is forty, he'll have a definite shot. His best move is to keep doing the joke for three more months, and then abandon it entirely. Then when he meets Beyonce at a party in thirty years, he should casually bring it up. It's definitely going to work. Ke$ha's $ is even worse than P!nk's !.

9:20 Robert Downey Jr. looks weird. He's introducing the most confusing part of the ceremony so far. Which turns out to be Jamie Foxx and T-Pain singing "Blame It." I hate Jamie Foxx so much that I won't even pretend to be unbiased about this performance. It sucks. They just cut to a shot of Jay-Z nodding his head slightly while grinning and looking lame. Jamie Foxx makes everyone less cool. Not surprisingly, the Black Eyed Peas are enjoying his performance. Josh Duhamel looks confused though. George Clinton loves it. Thank God, T-Pain came in. He's not helping though. Jay-Z considered stopping his fake enjoyment of the performance, but then his eyes flashed grimly and he soldiered on. This whole thing has devolved into chanting mumbled nonsense, a fat chick dancing, and a Slash guitar solo. It's a mess. I hate Jamie Foxx so much. His outfit makes him look like a gay doorman.

9:17 "You belong with me" will win Best Record. Except it doesn't! Wow, I'm surprised and happy for the Kings of Leon, who used to be my favorite band and who I still like a lot. After three amazing albums, I'm ok with them becoming every celebrity's favorite band and winning a grammy.

9:11 Yeah, Colbert won. Now he's sucking again. I don't even dislike the guy but he's just not being funny tonight. And he keeps doing this stupid joke with his daughter. My mom: "If I were his daughter, I would want to shoot him."

9:10 Man, geeks suck. What was the point of this? Oh, Juanes, and random CBS girl are introducing the best comedy album. I don't have a prediction. Oh yes, I do, Colbert. Not Patton Oswalt, who is hilarious and definitely deserves it. Too many crappy comedians in this category. And no Aziz.

9:05 OMG JONAS BROS. Are they still popular? Has Kevin come out? His voice is getting higher. Here's a country performance from Lady Antebellum. My family is very happy with this performance but I'm pretty bored. And there's not any robots or naked trapeze ladies to distract me.

8:59 If I'm going to hear this song, sung especially badly because Fergie can't sing live, I do like to have the robots marching around to distract me. But I can't count that as a good performance. So 3/5, beginning to get back to standard grammy numbers

8:57 The Black Eyed peas are surrounded by robots and people who look like, according to my sister Kira, the Vermicious Knids, from Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, which I've always liked better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

8:54 Oh, good, another target advertisement. No wait, this is just their performance. I also maintain that Fergie is not that great looking. It really freaked me out as a teenager when she was on the cover of Rolling Stone's Hot Issue. That was the first time I realized that Rolling Stone was probably wrong about most of the stuff they wrote.

8:53 Just in case you forgot how omnipresent and crappy the Black Eyed Peas are, they're now doing commercials for Target. Whoohoo! Because going to Target somehow equates with having a "good, good night." and "living it up."

I forgot to mention that at the very beginning of the night, "Single Ladies" won out for Best Song over "You Belong with Me." Score one for Kanye. And Beyonce. And me. TayTay, as I've often heard her fans refer to her, won best country album. Score one for Tom Rehwaldt, Taylor Stewart, and my sister.

8:48 MGMT, who are no longer anything close to new, lose out on Best New Artist to Zac Brown Band. I like the one song I've heard, "Chicken Fried," but Oracular Spectacular was amazing and I have a hard time believing, (because I'm a snobby jerk) that ZBB's debut was better. Keri Hilson also lost. So -1 for hot chicks who kind of look like aliens.

8:44 Now she's all wet. And still spinning. and naked. and singing. I guess the song is so boring that she has to engage in all this high-flying madness to distract from the tedium. I don't think that was a great performance. Keith Urban, an Australian country singer: "That was amazing."

8:43 Now shes kinda naked. and now, as predicted, she is trapeze-ing. It's all a bit surreal although not unenjoyable. My mom's take: "Why would she want to do that?"

8:42 Boring performance so far, but I think she might start trapeze-ing around in a moment.

8:40 I have to learn to like P!nk as she's one of the most popular stars in Australia apparently. I don't really feel any kind of way about her, other than that it bothers me slightly to write that exclamation mark in her name instead of an i. The only person who uses a non letter in their stage name which I accept is Curren$y. Because that just makes sense.

8:40 Thought Seal was performing there again for a moment, very confusing.

8:34 3 for 3 on performances so far, unbelievable from the Grammy's. There's nothing to be angry about yet, other than Colbert's hosting.

8:28 This Beyonce performance looks to be incredible. "If I Were A Boy" good song, better video. My mom didn't like the crotch grab though.

8:26 It really bothers me how Taylor Swift is speechless with every award she gets. She writes catchy, pop country songs but I just don't like her. Maybe because everybody turned on the far more interesting Kanye after he interrupted her. She did give a really classy speech, once she calmed down from her (faux) surprise.

8:25 I don't care what Bon Jovi plays, but I guarantee they play "Livin' On a Prayer."

8:21 Listening to "21 Guns" by Green Day during the commercial break to see if it's any better than I remember. It's not, but that performance made me like it a lot more than I did before.

8:15 One of the most overrated album ever spawned a musical?! Are you kidding me? If any more casually pretty good pop punkers become political and are celebrated for becoming political, it will be American Idiot's fault. However, after all that I'm enjoying this song, and the whole cast of the musical performing it. 2 for 2 on performances tonight so far.

8:11: Colbert's monologue is absolutely terrible. It makes sense that he wouldn't be so great at this, his entire persona is devoted to being completely self-congratulatory

8:07: "How wonderful life is with gaga in the world." Says Elton John. Pretty epic duet and one of the best grammy performances I've seen in a while.

8:06 I love Lady Gaga and her performance at the grammys is cementing it. She gets being a celebrity in a way that most modern celebrities don't get. No one knows much about her personal life and no one cares. We're captivated by her public persona because she is always in costume, and that's what makes her so fascinating.

No comments: